A Testament of Woe

So recently, I deleted all of the old fan art I did back in '08 hoping that the recent stuff I did would gain more attention. However, as I spent more time on tumblr and I've given my old deviantArt a good dusting, I realized one thing: fan art is king. Now don't get me wrong, fan art is great! Fans showing their appreciation towards something near and dear to their hearts is a time long tradition. Hell remember those Sonic Oc's  (never talk about Souls of the Dark, I'd rather not read through the improvised ramblings of 14- year- old!Jaz again)? Now, in today's fandom climate, I'm anxious to do any fan art.

First reason: DMCA. Ah yes, nothing like our US government violating our first amendment rights by finding the one loophole companies love to rip us apart for drawing one innocent (though someone's not so innocent) picture and posting on the triple w. Now back when I posted more, everything was much more relaxed and I didn't have much to worry about  (except for the one time I unknowingly posted a Sonic Riders: Zero Gravity wallpaper, though that didn't really count). However, every company is taking down fan games left and right. It was part of the reason why I changed Project Sunset from a Pokemon fan fic to an original concept. I don't regret the decision; there was only so much without a proper canon map.

Second reason: I'm terrified of the fandom. Tumblr revealed to me the darkest sides of any fandom and the lengths people have gone through just to prove they're right. Like, to the point where they ruin lives. And I do not need that. Again, it's the quickest way to gain an audience, but I can't enjoy it anymore. On top of that, I just don't have the muse anymore. It's all put into the comic but surprise, it's an uphill battle that'll take a lot longer because I don't have that foothold anymore.

Final Reason: I'm a ball of fear. I have no job and haven't gotten any commission requests (again lack of audience/ audience has no money is a thing) because life is great! And so I'm putting the pressure on myself to perform well and set high expectations on a project no ones heard of until now and pray for the day it'll be worth it.

I apologize I've been feeling like this for a while and I'm not okay.